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I have already spoken to you at some length about that love which is nobler higher, more excellent, than anything which earth can offer, the love which can restore to the heart its lost paradise, which does not change nor fade away, but is forever young; the love which knows neither diminution nor termination, which is holy, pure, unending. In a word, I spoke to you of the love which the chosen soul feels for God, her Creator, her Redeemer, the only object worthy of a supreme and all-embracing love. The human heart, and especially the heart of the young girl, has been formed for this love. Divine charity should inflame your hearts.
But you must be on your guard! Sooner or later another kind of love will make itself felt within your heart with more or less force—a love which is not so lofty, not so noble, not so pure. I refer to the love of creatures, which is more earthly in its nature, and finds expression in friendship. You must see that this love also has its source in God. As this is a matter of no small moment in the life of every girl, I propose to devote an entire chapter to its consideration; and I lay stress upon definition of what friendship ought to be for it ought to be pure and true, like gold and precious stones.
What, in the first place, is meant by the word, friendship? Love for a fellow mortal is not always friendship; it is possible to love without any return of affection, and a fancy like this can not be termed friendship. This latter is a mutual and therefore twofold love, an intimate participation in the life and thoughts of another. However, the relation between two or more persons who are pledged by both the divine and natural law to a special and mutual affection is not friendship in the true meaning of the word. Not, for instance, like the relation between parents and children, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives. Friendship is a voluntary and particular love; it is the special and spontaneous affection existing between two or more individuals. Friendship is like one soul in two bodies, says a wise man.
But you ask whether you ought to entertain any friendship at all? Some persons have been known to assert that no special preference or affection should be shown to any particular individual, because it would have the effect of engrossing your heart and distracting your mind. But I say on the contrary, that if you have to stand alone in an evil world, in the midst of dangers, temptations and snares, a good and true friendship will be highly desirable for you. In the wide, wide world, young girls who are far perhaps from their parents and brothers and sisters are in a position resembling that of travelers who climb the treacherous snow-clad Alps or other mountain-glaciers. And what precautions do they take to protect one another and to be saved, perhaps from imminent death? They are roped together, so that if one of the party should chance to slip, or the ice should give way beneath his feet, the others may help him up and prevent him from falling.
A similar experience may very probably be yours. You will more easily escape the perils of the world you will more readily save your soul, if you are united to others in the bonds of pious and holy friendship, that so you may mutually warn, encourage and sustain one another, and stimulate one another to practice all good works. True friends seek to promote the good and happiness of each other.
It is certainly right and proper to entertain true friendship. This may be learned from the example of the saints, and of the Saint of saints, our Pattern and Model, our great Exemplar, Jesus Christ Himself. How deep and tender was his affection for St. John, the Apostle of Charity, for the little family of Bethania, for Mary and Martha, and their brother Lazarus! Moreover, history tells us how devotedly St. Peter loved St. Mark, and St. Paul cherished no less an affection for his disciple, St. Timothy. St. Gregory of Nazianzen was united in the closest bonds of friendship with St. Basil, St. Augustine with St. Ambrose, and so on. Thus we see that perfection does not consist in having no friends at all, but in having only those who are truly pious and good.
Therefore, Christian maiden, love all mankind in truth and sincerity, as God has commanded you, but make trends only with girls who are likely to further, rather than hinder, your progress in piety and virtue. If you can converse about the love of God, about devotion and Christian perfection, then will your friendship be precious indeed! It will be truly exalted because it comes from God, because it leads to God, because in God it will remain forever. Well indeed is it to love here on earth with the same affection which the blessed in heaven feel for one another; while still in the world to be united in mutual charity in the same manner as it is our hope to be one day when it shall be our happy lot to have reached the bright abode of eternal felicity. To those who are fortunate enough to be thus united in the bonds of holy friendship, we may fitly apply the words of the Royal Psalmist: “Behold how good and pleasant it is for brethren (sisters) to dwell together in unity.” Certainly so it is, for the precious balm of sympathy flows from one heart into another, and God pours forth rich blessings upon a friendship such as this!
Beware of intimacies with a member of the opposite sex, for such a friendship is nearly always dangerous; still less ought you to entertain friendships which are unworthy of the name. I refer to sinful connections, or keeping company, that are the occasion of sin. This subject I shall treat at greater length in another place. In the mean time I will make only one remark, namely this, that until you are at least eighteen years of age you should not keep regular company or cultivate familiar friendship with a person of the opposite sex.
I wish most earnestly to impress upon you the necessity for watchfulness and prayer in order that your understanding may not be perverted by the indulgence of your senses and your passions. Do not say, as so many do, that the heart, i.e., the power of love, cannot be restrained. How greatly were you to be pitied if you were so weak of character as to surrender yourself to the sway of sensual affection! Be not hasty in forming close friendships. “But when you have found a friend,” says a certain writer, “let neither life nor death, nor misunderstanding, nor distance, nor doubt, nor anything else interrupt this friendship and vex your peace.”
You must exercise self-control in friendship. Be patient, be kind, be thoughtful, unselfish and loyal under all circumstances. Be true to your friends. Let their joys be your joys, and their sorrows your sorrows.
A friend is one of the sweetest things that life can bring. A true friend is not only our comfort in sorrow, our help in adversity; he also recalls us to a sense of duty, when we have forgotten ourselves, he inspires and encourages us to aim at high ideals, he takes loving heed of our health, our work, our plans and all that concerns us; he wants to make us good and happy.
Sweeter than the breath of spring,
Is the joy a friend can bring.
Who rejoices in our gladness
And gives solace in our sadness.